"I'm Not Here For That!"

Here’s one from your friendly neighborhood cell phone store.

So it’s just your average day. I’m sitting around, waiting for another customer to come in, you know, just doing my job and passing the time. Before we get too far though, let me note that with the company that I worked for when this happened, there was a pretty big push towards not just selling phones, but to also sell the customer what we called an “integrated solution”. Now you may ask,  “What is this integrated solution?” Well don’t worry, the answer to that question is easy. We also sold TV service of the satellite variety.

Now as the people who have worked in one of these stores (or any sales job I suppose), usually the thing that the upper management is pushing most to sell is the thing that customers do not want to initially talk about. Satellite Television is one of those things. People come in to purchase a phone and/or to make changes to a cellular plan, not to be pitched a TV service until the salesman is blue in the face.

All that being said though, I honestly didn’t mind it. It was no different than selling anything else. Was it fun to bring up? No, not at all, and it can even be kind of awkward to find that natural segway into it, but a job is a job, and you have to do what you have to do, so I would ask every customer that would come in about their TV provider, because that is what I was there to do.

Now that we have that out of the way, we can address a different point, and this point is in reference to what we are NOT supposed to be doing with customers, and that is tech support (unless it directly related to our cellular service of course). A customer comes in with a phone that they dropped and the screen won’t turn on? Sorry, should have bought insurance. Customer can’t remember their Gmail password? Sorry, my employer has no affiliation with Google. That’s the policy, and honestly, it’s a policy that I am firmly in support of.

There are moments where this policy goes to the side though, and that’s when TV Service comes into the picture. Like I said, my job is NOT tech support, I am a salesman, and I have to bring up Television with every single customer that I have, including people who come in with any old issue regarding their phones. This is where the story really begins.

So as I stated in the beginning, it’s just your normal day. I’m sitting, waiting for the next customer. All of a sudden I see a dark green van with an older, fairly overweight gentleman pull right into the parking lot, probably a bit faster than he should have considering his goal was to park. So this van pulls up and parks crooked right on top of one of those yellow dividing lines that defines where vehicles are SUPPOSED to park, talking up about two spots. Then, after about 5 minutes of him just sitting in the van, the driver’s door opened and out he stepped.

He made his way up to the entrance, grabbed that door handle and gave it a tug. Once he was inside the store he took a couple of steps forward, stopped, then darted his eyes from person to person, and made a “Hmmpph” sound. I walked up to him and did my customary greeting, and from here on out there will be dialogue. I will be ME, the customer will be OM.

ME : Hey there, welcome to [nameofstore], how can I help you today?

OM : *Holds up his probably 3 year old ZTE smartphone*  My phone isn’t working! *Tosses phone onto the table with a thud* Fix it!

ME : *irritated on the inside, all smiles on the outside* Alright well I’m sorry to hear that, What seems to be the issue with it?

OM : *Looks at me like I’m an idiot* It. Doesn’t. Work.

ME : *Picks up the phone, and notices that it turns on and the touch screen is working just fine* Hmm, well it’s on, and I can access the phone’s screen, so everything seems to be in order, is there a specific issue you’re having with the phone?

OM : I can’t see my pictures!

ME : Ohh, alright, let’s see what we can do for you today.

OM : Also, my bill is too damn high! It’s ridiculous, there’s only me on the account and it just shouldn’t be this much money.

ME : Yeah, absolutely we can take a look at that as well!

I pulled him over to a different table away from the door with a couple of chairs that we can rest on. This is a pretty standard thing to do, we don’t offer tech support, so what we do is take a look through some general settings on the phones and pull up their account to see how long they’ve had it, whether they can get a new phone and/or whether they can file insurance for the device, and the entire time we are doing this, we talk to the customers about our Television solution and why it would be a great deal for them.

So here I am, looking through the settings. The problem he is having is with the storage on his phone (Go figure, it’s got 8GB of internal storage). I notice this right away, and go into his settings to see what I can do. While I’m doing this, I go on with making small talk with the gentleman, asking him how his day was, what he’s up to, how the weather is, all that kind of stuff. He’s not the nicest guy in the world, but he’s not giving me the worst responses, and I get ready to tie in the Television side of the conversation. Another thing I notice is his plan. He had a couple gigabytes of data, on a single phone line with one of our old plans, so he was paying about 65 to 80 dollars a month (Tax and late fees are the reason there’s a discrepancy there). After seeing that he pays that much, and doesn’t use the best phone out there, in my head it occurs to me that this man would honestly be fine on a plan that could be as much as 30 dollars a month instead.

ME : Okay, so after looking at your plan, I think I’ve got a solution --

OM : *cutting me off* It’s really high, isn’t it!?

ME : For being on your own plan, I could see how that would be kind of expensive, but I --

OM : *cuts me off again* It’s absolutely ridiculous, I’ve been a loyal customer for years, and what do I get for it? I get $H1T on!

ME : Well like I said, there’s a way we can --

OM : *Once again cutting me off* And you know what else!? I’ve got friends who have their own plan that’s a phone, and they have a tablet and they pay 100 a month! I almost pay that and I don’t even have a tablet!

ME : Yeah, actually tablets are only 10 dollars a month, so if you wanted to add one we could--

OM : Oh, so I can get gouged again, I already pay almost a hundred for the service and there’s nothing your willing to do, it all adds up , 100 for this, 100 for cable, 70 for internet.

This is where I peak up. When he says that he pays about 100 dollars for his television service, I know that we can beat it on price, and what was his goal for his plan? Declining the price. I realize I can knock his phone bill in half, and probably his cable bill for about a year.

ME : *Trying to bring in how I can save the guy money* Yeah I know, I’ve been there, things can add up, but let’s see if there’s something I can do--

OM : *Cuts me off… AGAIN* It’s all just so expensive, and I never get treated like a loyal customer!

ME : *Irritated that I keep getting cut off, and realizing that I better just pitch this now* Well let me ask you this, who do you have as your TV provider right now?

OM : *Slams his flat palm on the table* Why are all of you in here always trying to sell me on your TV Service!? I’m not here for that! I’m here to get my phone fixed and to lower my bill!

ME : I understand that, but at the same time, I’m here to do my job, and my job is to find the best solution for you, and I’m thinking you may want to hear me out on this.

OM : NO. I AM NOT HERE FOR THAT, I’M HERE FOR THIS *shoves his fat finger onto his phone*

At this point I realize that this guy is just a lost cause. Could I have clicked the “Clear Cache” button and made his phone work for a bit longer? Sure I could have, but after that outburst, I’ll just go ahead and close the app. Could I have switched him to a cheaper plan? Of Course, but after him cutting me off like that? Nope, I’ll just go ahead and exit the account.

ME : Okay, so listen, this is kind of where we are. I know you’re here to get your phone fixed, but that isn’t what I’m trained to do, and unfortunately this isn’t a repair location, it’s a sales front, and looking into your plan, That’s actually pretty standard for a person by themselves, there isn’t really much I can do, and when it comes to the phone, you’re going to have to contact ZTE for support.

OM : So then what am I supposed to do!?

ME : You know, I’m not really going to have an answer for that, all I can really do past this point is sell you a new phone, otherwise you’re just going to have to deal with the lack of storage on this one.

OM : This is ridiculous! *Storms out*

Afterwards my manager came up to me, we talked about it, and had one long laugh about the whole situation. The most infuriating part to me, is that all he had to do was not cut me off. If he would have listened for about 2 minutes, I could have saved him money. Even if he wanted to stay with his current TV provider I could have still moved him to a different, less expensive plan, but some people just never learn.